LONDON: You may find yourself pulling off an involuntary eye roll when you hear there is going to be another “Home Alone” movie. But then you read on, and realize that it is being directed by Dan Mazer (who worked with Sacha Baron Cohen on “Ali G” and “Borat”). And then you read on a little further and you learn that it is going to star Ellie Kemper, Rob Delaney and Aisling Bea. And then a little further, and you notice that it has “Saturday Night Live” and “Veep” actors in it. And you begin to hope. Could this actually be that rarest of things — a Christmas remake that’s actually worth watching?
The answer, I’m sad to say, is no. It is categorically not. The sixth installment in the “Home Alone” franchise starts out fresh, shiny and with a spring in its step. There’s a number of character twists from the 1990 original — the robbers aren’t career criminals this time, Pam and Jeff (Kemper and Delaney) are struggling to keep their family home and think that a priceless family heirloom has been stolen by local 10-year-old Max (Archie Yates). When they realize Max and his family are away for the holidays, their desperate need for cash outweighs their law-abiding caution, and they break in to retrieve it. Except that Max has been left behind, and thinks that the robbers are trying to sell him into slavery. Which is crazy — as are the other half a dozen plot loopholes you need to get over during the first 20 minutes. Max can’t call his parents because their house assistant won’t let him, YouTube is blocked so, for some unknown reason, he can’t send an email and he doesn’t want to alert a passing cop (played by original “Home Alone” actor Devin Ratray) for fear his parents will be arrested for neglect.
The cartoon-ish violence is, at least, well realized, but everything else about “Home Sweet Home Alone” — the script, the story, the acting, even the Christmas schmaltz — is just infuriatingly awful. The movie’s strapline is “No parents. No problem.” You can add “No point” to that.